The unspoken rules of wishing well gift giving

If you’ve been invited to a wedding lately, chances are that instead of asking guests for a toaster or a new wok, the couple has mentioned that they’ll have a wishing well for contributions, so you’re probably wondering: how much should I give as a wedding gift?

As a modern approach to wedding gifting, wishing wells are becoming an increasingly popular option. Rather than setting up an official gift registry, more couples are giving guests the option to make a cash contribution to a physical or digital wishing well.

However, the cost of being a wedding guest is rising, with travel costs, accommodation expenses, and the expectation to purchase a brand-new outfit for the occasion continuing to climb.

According to The Choosi Cost of Love Report 2021, Australians believe the average cost of a wedding is almost $5k higher than it was in 2018 ($29,645 in 2021 vs $24,660 in 2018).

If you’re wondering ‘What are the rules for a wishing-well wedding?’, you’ve come to the right place. Discover how a wishing well works and the practical steps you can take to decide how much you should give at a wishing well wedding.

What is a wedding wishing well?

Wedding wishing wells are a way for guests to contribute to a couple’s future together. Instead of setting up a gift registry, a wishing well allows attendees to offer monetary gifts to the bride and groom.

According to a recent survey of 320 newly married couples by Easy Weddings, 89% prefer monetary gifts and have opted for a cash-based wishing well at their wedding.

Traditionally, a wishing well has been a box at a wedding reception, allowing guests to drop envelopes with cash gifts and a greeting card inside. Now, more couples are leveraging technology to set up websites and digital wishing wells, removing the need for a physical one at the reception venue.

Why do couples have a wishing well at their wedding?

With the cost of living climbing, more couples are faced with a dilemma: should they prioritise a wedding or a mortgage?

One of the most popular ways to combat the growing cost of weddings is for couples to opt for a smaller wedding of less than 100 guests. According to The Choosi Cost of Love Report 2021, 77% of recently married couples are using this hack to keep costs down.

Another tactic to reduce the financial pressures of a wedding is to set up a wishing well. With the money contributed to their wishing well, couples can fund their honeymoon, cover the costs of their wedding reception and even support the purchase of their first home together.

Plus, there is a stack of benefits for guests too:

• Cost-effective option: With the option to give as much or as little as someone can afford, a wishing well removes the pressure to spend a certain amount on a wedding gift.
• Alleviates decision fatigue: A wishing well removes the confusion and guesswork of the gift-giving process, particularly if you don’t know the couple very well.
• Discreet, convenient gift giving: A wishing well allows you to budget for your contribution ahead of the wedding day and easily share your gift before the ceremony via a user-friendly digital wishing well.

Wishing well weddings: what's expected from wedding guests?

As a wedding guest, you’re probably thinking ‘What is an acceptable amount for a wishing well gift?’

Unfortunately, there is no definitive right or wrong amount to contribute. Generally speaking, the amount you give depends on a range of factors, including your personal financial situation and how well you know the couple.

Another way of figuring out how much to give is to think about how much the couple have spent on having you at their wedding. This ‘cost per head’ calculation will only be an estimate, but it can give you a ballpark figure to work with based on the dress code, style of the wedding venue, catering and drink options provided.

But if you’re looking for tangible guidance, here’s a general consensus on how much money to add to your envelope.

One survey of 27 Australian women aged 21 to 40 found that anywhere from $50 to $200 per guest tends to be the norm. But there are outliers, with some guests giving as much as $1,000 for destination weddings involving their closest friends.

Another survey of 12 Australian women found that any amount from $0 up to $500 is an acceptable wishing well gift.

The most comprehensive survey we found polled 585 Australians about their wishing well expectations. According to this research, 25% of respondents say $100 or less is a good amount to give at a wishing well. This was closely followed by $50 or less (22%) and anywhere in the range of $100 to $150 (19%).

How to figure out your wedding gift at a wishing well wedding

If the research above reveals anything, it’s this: there is no exact science as to the perfect wishing well gift amount. Instead, it’s important to consider your unique circumstances and the event you’re attending to make an informed decision.

To help you figure out an appropriate gift amount for your next wishing well wedding, ask yourself these questions:

• Is there any direction on the wedding invitation? Check your wedding invite to see if there is any language to guide you on what the couple is expecting, or what they plan to put these funds towards (such as a honeymoon, holiday or new house).

💡 Choosi tip: If the couple is using a digital wishing well, this tool might prompt you to contribute a specific amount (such as $50, $100 or $200). These amounts give you a helpful guide as to what you could consider giving as a cash gift.

• How well do you know the couple? Guests tend to give more generously if the couple are close friends or immediate family. In contrast, if you’re less acquainted with the couple, contributing a small amount is more common.
• Are you a member of the wedding party? Being a bridesmaid or groomsman often means you’ll need to budget for additional expenses, such as joining the engagement party, organising a hens’ or bucks’ party, attending rehearsal dinners and purchasing a dress or suit picked by the couple. Factoring in these expenses can help you decide how much you are willing to spend on an additional monetary gift.
• What extra costs will you need to spend to attend this celebration? From destination weddings to multi-day celebrations, the costs of flights, accommodation, and travel expenses can quickly add up, meaning you might have less to spare for a wishing well gift.
• What style of wedding are you attending? Formal sit-down dinners tend to come at a higher cost to the bride and groom than smaller, intimate celebrations, which can help guide your gifting choices.
• What is your current financial situation? Look at your current budget and what personal expenses you have coming up to decide what amount you feel comfortable with.

When it comes to wishing well gifts, the amount you contribute depends on how well you know the couple, the style of wedding you’re attending and even how much wiggle room you have in your personal budget. By factoring in any additional costs, you might incur to attend the ceremony, you can make an informed decision about how much money to give at your next wishing well wedding.

A wedding is a major life milestone, making it a perfect time to ensure consider having financial protection in place for you and your loved ones are financially protected against the unexpected with cover such as life insurance. Compare a range of policies with Choosi today.